Dear Kim's Scar,
You really need to leave Kim alone. She tells me that you are bothering her with your itchiness. That's really not very kind of you. She has a life she needs to lead and you are very distracting.
So stop. Just stop.
Sincerely,
Nomes
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
To Exhaustion
Dear Exhaustion,
What is going on? Are you trying to kill me? I have not had a decent night's sleep in, oh, about forever! I have even had to resort to drinking the occasional caffeinated soda to even function. I am most displeased.
Yes, I know that I have a bit of stress, but I'm sure no more than the next person. I know there are many people out there with small children, that there are other people up to their eyeballs in debt (ours is of the student loan variety, as you well know). I know there are other women besides me who are wondering if and when their husbands are going to be called up to go over to Iraq. It is not just I who volunteers, and runs a household, and cares for others. I know there are women who are going through much more than I, and for that reason I am going to defeat you.
I am going to start exercising. I am going to eat right. I am going to go in for a physical. I am going to take time for myself once a week. I am going to do more service. I am going to reserve time each day for spiritual contemplation and meditation. I am going to look at what I can do and not focus on what I can't. I am going to celebrate each day as a gift. I am going to cultivate my sunny attitude. I am going to compile a list of things I am grateful for. I am going to keep courting my husband. I am going to cherish my children.
By doing all of these things and more, I am going to defeat you, Exhaustion. Our time together is limited. You have been warned.
About to kick you to the curb,
Nomes
P.S. You can thank my dear friend Cathy for reminding me how to care for myself. She's got your number!
What is going on? Are you trying to kill me? I have not had a decent night's sleep in, oh, about forever! I have even had to resort to drinking the occasional caffeinated soda to even function. I am most displeased.
Yes, I know that I have a bit of stress, but I'm sure no more than the next person. I know there are many people out there with small children, that there are other people up to their eyeballs in debt (ours is of the student loan variety, as you well know). I know there are other women besides me who are wondering if and when their husbands are going to be called up to go over to Iraq. It is not just I who volunteers, and runs a household, and cares for others. I know there are women who are going through much more than I, and for that reason I am going to defeat you.
I am going to start exercising. I am going to eat right. I am going to go in for a physical. I am going to take time for myself once a week. I am going to do more service. I am going to reserve time each day for spiritual contemplation and meditation. I am going to look at what I can do and not focus on what I can't. I am going to celebrate each day as a gift. I am going to cultivate my sunny attitude. I am going to compile a list of things I am grateful for. I am going to keep courting my husband. I am going to cherish my children.
By doing all of these things and more, I am going to defeat you, Exhaustion. Our time together is limited. You have been warned.
About to kick you to the curb,
Nomes
P.S. You can thank my dear friend Cathy for reminding me how to care for myself. She's got your number!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
To My Letter Readers
Dear Readers,
Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to come and read my letters! I've received tons of positive feedback and I thank you for that, as well.
I was just wondering if there were any subjects for which you would like to see a letter? Comment with as many as you like, and I will try to write something witty. If you don't have any, then don't comment. It's okay if you don't. I'll still respect you. :)
Sincerely,
Nomes
Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to come and read my letters! I've received tons of positive feedback and I thank you for that, as well.
I was just wondering if there were any subjects for which you would like to see a letter? Comment with as many as you like, and I will try to write something witty. If you don't have any, then don't comment. It's okay if you don't. I'll still respect you. :)
Sincerely,
Nomes
To Clothes
Dear Clothes,
Isn't there any possible way that you could all be wrinkle free?
Sulking back to the ironing board,
Nomes
Isn't there any possible way that you could all be wrinkle free?
Sulking back to the ironing board,
Nomes
To Netflix
Dear Netflix,
Thank you for providing a service that saves me from taking four children into a video store. (I'm sure that all of the patrons and staff of the video store thank you, as well). You also help me save on gas. Oh, and I can also catch up on television shows I've missed. I love you for that!
Waiting anxiously for the mail,
Nomes
P.S. You are beyond better than Blockbuster. Be proud of that.
Thank you for providing a service that saves me from taking four children into a video store. (I'm sure that all of the patrons and staff of the video store thank you, as well). You also help me save on gas. Oh, and I can also catch up on television shows I've missed. I love you for that!
Waiting anxiously for the mail,
Nomes
P.S. You are beyond better than Blockbuster. Be proud of that.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
To Furniture
Dear Furniture,
I wish that I had some of you. Namely bookcases. And dressers. Dressers would be nice. And perhaps a new bed. Yeah. That sounds good.
Hoping to see you soon,
Nomes
I wish that I had some of you. Namely bookcases. And dressers. Dressers would be nice. And perhaps a new bed. Yeah. That sounds good.
Hoping to see you soon,
Nomes
To Heroes
Dear Heroes,
I have recently discovered just how truly remarkable your television show is. The attention to detail is frankly astounding. I have found myself watching the scenery and background almost as much as watching the main characters. Your subtle (or perhaps not so subtle) use of the Symbol, your use of music, the fleeting glances... I love them all!
I really enjoy how you take seemingly random individuals and tie them all into one story. The first season was masterfully done. However, I am finding the second season a tiny bit convoluted. Too many characters. While I am sure you have some brilliantly thought-out master plan, couldn't we do away with a few? Niki, perhaps? She bugs me to no end. And while I am still reserving judgment on the Dominican Twins and the whole Irish family storylines, my patience is not long. Let us speed things up a bit.
Oh, and could Linderman and Kensei be the same person? That would just be way too cool!
Waiting to see more of Peter's total awesomeness,
Nomes
I have recently discovered just how truly remarkable your television show is. The attention to detail is frankly astounding. I have found myself watching the scenery and background almost as much as watching the main characters. Your subtle (or perhaps not so subtle) use of the Symbol, your use of music, the fleeting glances... I love them all!
I really enjoy how you take seemingly random individuals and tie them all into one story. The first season was masterfully done. However, I am finding the second season a tiny bit convoluted. Too many characters. While I am sure you have some brilliantly thought-out master plan, couldn't we do away with a few? Niki, perhaps? She bugs me to no end. And while I am still reserving judgment on the Dominican Twins and the whole Irish family storylines, my patience is not long. Let us speed things up a bit.
Oh, and could Linderman and Kensei be the same person? That would just be way too cool!
Waiting to see more of Peter's total awesomeness,
Nomes
Thursday, October 11, 2007
To the US Gonverment
To the US Government,
It has become painfully clear that something is seriously amiss with the way in which you are run. Performance has slowed way down, there are too many programs, and your processing speed is abysmal (DMV, anyone?). If you were a computer you would be purged of all non-essential programs and rebooted. And that is exactly what I suggest for you: purge and reboot.
It is time to replace all elected officials. Those in office, in ALL elected offices on BOTH sides of the aisle have grown too fond of the power they hold and it is painfully obvious that the true safety, quality of life, and personal freedoms of your constituents has been thrust to the bottom of their priority list. It seems more important to outdo the "other guy" than to protect this nation from a variety of threats and economic hardships. The elected officials are obviously not getting the job done. Purge.
We need new faces, new elected officials. We need to go back tot the Master Boot Record i.e. the Constitution. No more power plays. I'm tired of them. No more bickering. Reboot.
Just about ready to pass a magnet over the whole system,
Nomes
It has become painfully clear that something is seriously amiss with the way in which you are run. Performance has slowed way down, there are too many programs, and your processing speed is abysmal (DMV, anyone?). If you were a computer you would be purged of all non-essential programs and rebooted. And that is exactly what I suggest for you: purge and reboot.
It is time to replace all elected officials. Those in office, in ALL elected offices on BOTH sides of the aisle have grown too fond of the power they hold and it is painfully obvious that the true safety, quality of life, and personal freedoms of your constituents has been thrust to the bottom of their priority list. It seems more important to outdo the "other guy" than to protect this nation from a variety of threats and economic hardships. The elected officials are obviously not getting the job done. Purge.
We need new faces, new elected officials. We need to go back tot the Master Boot Record i.e. the Constitution. No more power plays. I'm tired of them. No more bickering. Reboot.
Just about ready to pass a magnet over the whole system,
Nomes
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
To Smalltown, Georgia
Dear Smalltown, GA,
Is there any particular reason why this town is lacking in neighborhood sidewalks? If my family wants to go on a walk, we either have to walk across people's lawn (which is rude) or walk in the street (which is dangerous). How difficult would it have truly been to build sidewalks while building the neighborhood? Now, I would understand if this were an older neighborhood, but this subdivision is young!
So come on, Smalltown! Pry open that wallet of yours and give us some sidewalks!
Sincerely,
Nomes
Is there any particular reason why this town is lacking in neighborhood sidewalks? If my family wants to go on a walk, we either have to walk across people's lawn (which is rude) or walk in the street (which is dangerous). How difficult would it have truly been to build sidewalks while building the neighborhood? Now, I would understand if this were an older neighborhood, but this subdivision is young!
So come on, Smalltown! Pry open that wallet of yours and give us some sidewalks!
Sincerely,
Nomes
To My Hair
To My Hair,
I just thought I should send you a little note of apology. I am so sorry for the past five years. The harsh conditions to which you have been subjected, namely the humidity, is beyond description. You, who have been born and bred for dry weather shouldn't have to deal with all of this moisture. It is wrong and I apologize.
I am also sorry for the treatment you have received because of my children. Because of the constant pulling and whatnot, I have been forced to keep you in a seemingly eternal bun. You are meant to be kept down, long and flowing.
Do you remember the days of flowing in the wind? Or me playing the piano and you giving off an irresistible urge to play with you to anyone who happened to be standing behind us?
Take heart, hair. Only three and a half more years before we leave humidity and small children behind us forever. And while I am sad about the small children part, I am most definitely looking forward to having you done properly.
Sincerely,
Nomes
I just thought I should send you a little note of apology. I am so sorry for the past five years. The harsh conditions to which you have been subjected, namely the humidity, is beyond description. You, who have been born and bred for dry weather shouldn't have to deal with all of this moisture. It is wrong and I apologize.
I am also sorry for the treatment you have received because of my children. Because of the constant pulling and whatnot, I have been forced to keep you in a seemingly eternal bun. You are meant to be kept down, long and flowing.
Do you remember the days of flowing in the wind? Or me playing the piano and you giving off an irresistible urge to play with you to anyone who happened to be standing behind us?
Take heart, hair. Only three and a half more years before we leave humidity and small children behind us forever. And while I am sad about the small children part, I am most definitely looking forward to having you done properly.
Sincerely,
Nomes
To My Running Toilet
Dear Running Toilet,
What's the deal? You're keeping me up at night. Don't make me come back in there and jiggle your handle!
Nomes
What's the deal? You're keeping me up at night. Don't make me come back in there and jiggle your handle!
Nomes
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
To My Husband on His Birthday
To My Dearest Husband on His Thirtieth Birthday,
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
YOU'RE OLD!!!!!
*takes comfort in the fact that no matter what, I will always be younger than you*
I hope that you have had a wonderful day. I am blessed to have you in my life, and I hope that we'll be doing this again in another thirty years. (When, of course, you will be even OLDER!)
Take heart, sweety. You won't really be old until you're dead. You are one of those who will always be young. Here's to 1977: a very good year!
Love,
Naomi
I hope that you have had a wonderful day. I am blessed to have you in my life, and I hope that we'll be doing this again in another thirty years. (When, of course, you will be even OLDER!)
Take heart, sweety. You won't really be old until you're dead. You are one of those who will always be young. Here's to 1977: a very good year!
Love,
Naomi
To Pens and Pencils
Dear Pens and Pencils,
I was just wondering; is there a particular reason why you run away from our house? I mean, I can only assume that you run away seeing as I go from having a fresh new pack of you to having no idea where you've gone. Seriously. It takes about a day. Is there something the matter with our family? Do we press to hard? Do we forget to put the caps back on? Do we smell?
I'm sorry that you don't like our house, but we are in constant need of your services. I can't tell you how many times I've gone to the pen and pencil jar to grab one of you to jot down a phone message, only to find that it is empty, or that the pens in there are dry, or that the pencils are broken. Or, when I need to pay bills, there is not a pen to be found!
I guess what I'm asking is if there anything we can do to make your stay in our home more enjoyable so that you won't be tempted to run away and leave us in a lurch? Perhaps a nicer jar? Or those swanky grips to wear? Is the humidity level in the house to high? I can fix that! Please, please, please just let me know what I can do. We need you so badly and want you to be happy so that you are willing to be available when we need you. We can make this work! I know we can!
Sincerely,
Nomes
I was just wondering; is there a particular reason why you run away from our house? I mean, I can only assume that you run away seeing as I go from having a fresh new pack of you to having no idea where you've gone. Seriously. It takes about a day. Is there something the matter with our family? Do we press to hard? Do we forget to put the caps back on? Do we smell?
I'm sorry that you don't like our house, but we are in constant need of your services. I can't tell you how many times I've gone to the pen and pencil jar to grab one of you to jot down a phone message, only to find that it is empty, or that the pens in there are dry, or that the pencils are broken. Or, when I need to pay bills, there is not a pen to be found!
I guess what I'm asking is if there anything we can do to make your stay in our home more enjoyable so that you won't be tempted to run away and leave us in a lurch? Perhaps a nicer jar? Or those swanky grips to wear? Is the humidity level in the house to high? I can fix that! Please, please, please just let me know what I can do. We need you so badly and want you to be happy so that you are willing to be available when we need you. We can make this work! I know we can!
Sincerely,
Nomes
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